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So-Crate's Autobiography

The Life and Times of So-Crates

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By this time, many of you may read my writings and say, "Who is this So-Crates, how does he know the inner workings of Ababclabicus, and where did he get that hat?" Well, your questions shall be answered, in my biography. It was a long long time ago in feudal Japan. A Buddhist monk named Sakai Tadatsuga careened unfortunately through an inconvenient time-warp in the middle of is temple. He fell a long long way up through time was spit out in modern times, about 13 years ago. Falling thus through time caused him to learn a humongous amount of information. what information you ask? Well, the answer is everything. If you suddenly find yourself shooting through the time-space continum for hundreds of years, you have quite a long time to look at stuff, take pictures, and buy novelty hats. This also answers where I got the basket on my head I seem to call a hat. I bought it from a gift shop zooming back from 40,000 A.D. to 900 B.C. Well, enough of that. Back to the point, while in the time-warp I was privy to all the information from the beginning of the universe to my destination time. Thus, I learned of the mighty Abaclabicus and his teachings, and of party favors through the ages. When I arrived at August 24, 1989, I assumed the alias So-Crates after one of the dead philosophers that had tried to sell me pamphlets during my journey, and set out to make the world aware of the true creation of itself. Unfortunately, many christians weren't very warm to this idea, and so only my Buddhist Warrior-Monk training kept me from being lynched about 9,000 times by Jehovah's Witnesses. I lived life unassumingly practicing standard Buddhist tradition and ranting at whoever would listen about the true reason the universe exists and why the should be suspicious and afraid of anyone named Dave. I hate that damned oven mitt! It's EVIL!!!!!! I keep telling people but.. oh.. sorry, you're all still here, well... er. There isn't much else to say really other than I'll continue to write my treatises and increase awareness of the horrors of Abaclabicus and Arby's commercials everywhere. A sneak peek into my next work is how that damned oven mitt relates to Abaclabicus and why it's his angel of death. I'm SURE you'll all enjoy that one.. HAHAHAHAA. Oh, errr.. goodbye! 
Uploaded on July 17, 2003

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